Fastest Coping With A Broken Heart

In time like this our self-esteem is in the dump. It’s close to non-existent. But it is important to reclaim it before you can attract your lover back.

Believe you are lovable and desirable just being you. You have attracted your partner once, made him/her fall in love with you -yes YOU for who you are- and you can do it again…by being YOU -or better still, an improved version of you (with less neurosis).

We think we need to give our limbs or sights to prove our love to them, to make them see and believe that we are worthy of their love and adoration. No, the harder you are trying to do so, the more you look desperate, the less attractive you are, and the more you will be taken for granted or so feel. Don’t lay yourself on the ground and be a doormat for them. It’s counterproductive and very damaging.

Just believe you are okay for being you. You don’t have to do anything out of the ordinary to win their love, the way they don’t have to. You love them but you love yourself first and foremost. You are responsible for your own happiness, the same way they are with their own happiness.

Be firm, assertive but kind and courteous.

Especially for women, it comes natural with us to be so giving and caring and trying to do everything for our lover. We think it will make us happy to make him so happy and it will in turn make him want and love us more. So we give our all that there is nothing left to enjoy for our own sake. Our identity is enmeshed in the relationship, in him. And yet, what you get in return is hardly equal to what you give. It’s no at all what we expect will come out of such giving behavior from a kind person. It’s not how we’re going to react if someone is being so kind to us. We are hurt and disappointed and become resentful because we think he is just a jerk.

That’s a mistake you don’t want to repeat.

This is a typical example of the difference of the gender. Women’s lives revolve around relationship(s), it is the why of our existence, almost. What we don’t understand it’s not so for men. Competition, work, achievements and their status in the world are the way of the primordial hunters: our men. Just because today they are wearing a suit and tie everyday doesn’t make them that much different to their cavemen ancestors. Cuddling with you after endless candlelit dinners, while appealing, don’t make or break their lives. They may not attach as much value as you do to them.

But nothing is more painful to them than being perceived as a failure. They see themselves as a provider and they want to make sure others see them excel in it. When you do all the work, he takes it that he doesn’t need to do anything since the goal has been attained anyway by just one person accomplishing it. If you always come to them for a hug, what incentive is there for them to initiate it since the hugging will take place anyway, willy nilly? You get the gist.

Another thing is, sometimes men see this over eagerness to do everything as a pressure to them. Or even a blackmail. They don’t reciprocate them because they don’t want you to do all those things in the first place! Have you ever thought about it? They think why can’t you just chill and relax without trying to prove how much better a partner you are so you can nag about it later?

Do you see how his mind works?

But if you just seem content being yourself, so will he. Most guys are happy and fulfilled being with their partners, the only reason they are unhappy is in fact because they get to hear how unhappy and unfulfilled we are having them as a partner. And in turn, they feel unappreciated and again it offends the very basic make-up of a man: not being perceived as a failure or a lousy provider.

So relax and try to have as much fun in anything you do. If you relax, you’ll let go anxiety and you will always perform better when you are relaxed, be it public speaking or reconciling.

If you want to unravel the mystery of the opposite sex, click here. Those are the books that have helped me through my suffering. I learnt a lot of mistakes I made with my husband reading those books.

This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subject or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back.

Katharina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She is finishing her 4th book, a self-help book/memoir on her experience of dealing with breakup and how to get on the reconciliation path. She founds a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info/.

You might find T. Dubbs book The Magic of Making Up helpful.
Please go and check it out for yourself.

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