Marriage in Trouble After an Affair?

You Think That Your Marriage is in Trouble After an Affair?





Dear Reader,
Below this I collected some thoughts inspired by both your questions and T.Dubbs Book The magic of Making Up, which I hope, will help you along. Of course, there is much more in his book and makes a very inspiring reading.
If you want to get to know him, just watch his video on this page to get a feel for him. No oblibation, just go there and watch.

But for now, here are my thoughts on this subject:

Do you consider your marriage in trouble after an affair? The truth is, your marriage was already in trouble long before the affair. Perhaps the fact that an affair occurred is enough of a shock to make both of you stop and seriously rethink your relationship. Problems in a marriage can be solved and many marriages survive after infidelity. However, it is not easy and both parties must want the partnership to continue. I have put together a few points taken out of T.Dubbs book The Magic of Making Up to help you sort things. Do consider the points carefully and balance your reasoning.

What led to the infidelity? You have to be very honest with yourself and each other and view the infidelity in a bigger picture. Talk about your relationship openly; discuss how each of you felt before the deceit. This will not be easy. Doubtless anger and hurt are prone to surface. While it is beneficial to express those feelings, blaming and running each other down is nonsensical. You need to sit down and talk openly and feel comfortable enough to voice your feelings honestly. There are so many factors why a relationship deteriorates. It requires listening skills and empathy in order to figure out what went wrong. If you are able to converse constructively then your relationship has a real chance to survive the indiscretion.

If you have been cheated, your trust is destroyed. This is huge; the basis of every good relationship is trust. You can forgive but this is not sufficient. You must also be able to rebuild your trust in your partner. After an infidelity, you are worse off than when you first met. At the start of your romance, you had no reason not to trust. Now, something as fundamental as trust is shattered and it will take a lot of effort and caring to rebuild it. Unless you can trust your partner completely, you will not be happy. Evaluate carefully whether or not you will be able to trust again.

Talk about how both of you view the future. Find out whether or not you still share the same dreams and goals. Do you still love and respect your partner? Do you still want to share your life with your partner?

Make certain that you are trying to save your marriage for the right reason. Otherwise, you are in for more heartbreaks and tears. Has one partner been a cheater in previous relationships? Some persons are serial cheaters and they will never change. If necessary, do face up to reality.

I hope these points help you to assess your situation and aid you in trying to save your marriage after an affair. It is possible, but it takes time, many openhearted talks and commitment from both partners.

You might find T. Dub’s book The Magic of Making Up helpful. Please go and check it out for yourself.